it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
