Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
