yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Randomize
