My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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