You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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