He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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