How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I think my nap took me to another dimension
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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