I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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