Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Randomize
