i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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