I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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