I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
