so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
