i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
