eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
