I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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