I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
