I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
