1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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