Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
