2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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