Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
