omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize