after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
there is puke in my bra ... again
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize