dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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