Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Randomize
