I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
