life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
