if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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