I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
