So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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