wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
