I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize