the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
So many bounce houses so little time
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
