Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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