Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
