Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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