Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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