so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Dicks are not precious.
I am available for nakedness
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
