john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
