you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
