so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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