This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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