i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
