i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize