Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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