I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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