at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
