Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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