Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
