Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
