im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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