I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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