she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
