i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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