I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
