Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize