This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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