I CAN MOONWALK!
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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