Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
