i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
