I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I've blown a few things in my day
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
