New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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