Did you just see the Batmobile???
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
