I'm eating all of the evidence.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
