Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
