ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
