he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
