Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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